KYLIEE<3

Seriously, i dunno who or what made ppl think fri 13th is an UNLUCKY day. To me, i just believe lor. But, it rained the whole day, and i was NOT allowed to go to ECP. Is that counted as unlucky? I'm not sure. Mummy told me my writing style is not very nice. All is reporting about the day's events. So i started off with reflections. (: haha
I'm not sure why, but i hate myself sometimes.
I hate myself for always slacking during exam period, in the end, i regret cos i knew i could do well but i just dint put in enough effort.
I hate myself for always saying "later then i do".
I hate myself for having so low-self-esteem and not much confidence,
I hate myself knowing i would do badly for my exams if i do not pay attention in calss and study hard, but i still slack.
I hate myself for always ending up glued to the computer when im supposed to be studying for a test.(FACEBOOK!!!!)
I hate myself for alway disappointing my parents, breaking their trust in me after a few weeks.
I hate myself for knowing how to lie. I dun wanna lie, i cant help it.
I hate myself for always lying to my parents.
I hate myself for always making them angry.
I hate myself for being scared for my parents everytime i think about their age and think "Oh no! They are getting so old already! How will i live then?"
I hate myself for being so selfish. Always wanting the best for myself.
I hate myself for being so jealous when i see all my other friends having such a wondeful time in their school while i'm not.
I hate myself for being jealous when my siblings get all the attention and i dun.
I hate meself for being so naive.
I hate myself for taking money for granted.
I hate myself for being so not understanding to my parents.
I hate myself for being so irritating.
I hate myself for being so small and prematured and short and skinny.
I hate myself for ALMOST causing my mom's death while she was giving birth to me.
I hate myself for acting as if money drops from the sky.
I hate myself for always cannot control my temper.
I hate myself for being so willful, always taking EVERYTHING for granted.

I love my daddy, really, i do. I want to spend more time with my family. I wish my brother can get over the rebellious stage. I wish my mom can be relaxed and not always uptight over everything. I wish my parents will not age so fast. Even at 40, im alr feeling scared. Why? I wish my mum would understand me. I wish my father would understand me. Why do they keep on doing this to me? Always cutting my freedom...
TATA
Kylie